I'm Going To Be An Astronaut, I Think

Today is Father's Day. So happy Father's Day to all of you dads out there, illegitimate and legitimate. Really. Who am I to judge? (PS - I might be the most judgmental person I know, but that's only because I'd rather make a harsh judgment and fully commit to it than be wishy washy on where I stand. So maybe I'm not judgmental, I just have strong opinions? Who knows. I swear, I'm not a terrible person. Only sometimes.)

I went out to dinner to PF Chang's (insert excitement here - pseudo-Asian-American fusion! Steamed mixed vegetables for the girl with IBS and acid reflux and lactose intolerance!...yup...all of those)...with my sister, dad, my aunt and my uncle. My parents are divorced - my dad's been married twice - my mom was Wife #1, and my mom just got engaged for her #2. (Go Mom! The rock's pretty hefty, too.) My aunt knows that I'm a theater and English major, yet she always feels the need to ask me if I'm still double majoring. Or like I changed my mind to accounting or something. Which, I assure you, I will not do, as I got a C+ in Math In Action. I had a B test average, yet somehow, after a few poor studying decisions (when did I ever think studying over a bottle of wine was a good idea? I'll tell you when - the day before my Math In action final). It's humorous - actually - because my entire college transcript is A's and A-'s. And then there's Math In Action....C+. Some future employer will laugh at that someday. That is, if I ever get employed.

Because, you see, I am entirely unemployable as I would like to be an actress/writer. I'd like to make a living hustling - I don't mean like Terrence Howard in Hustle And Flow, or whatever that move is, I mean like...working my ass off to make sure I get to act and write! Romantic, huh? But then my aunt always asks me what I want to be when I grow up. I say, oh, I'm going to be an actor, and I'm going to write, too.

"Oh, you mean like...you want to be...on Broadway!?" Like I'm a little girl who just said I wanted to be an astronaut, and my first stop was going to be Pluto, which by the way, boys and girls, isn't even a planet anymore.

(Tangent: How can it not be a planet anymore? I don't understand. If something's there, isn't it there? Like, if I have a small coffee mug of Haagen Dasz frozen yogurt sitting next to me right now, can I just say, "It isn't a coffee mug of froyo anymore." I can say that, but it doesn't change the continuum of matter, does it? Unless it evaporates, which I don't think a ceramic mug can do. But the froyo can melt. Which is worrisome to us slow froyo eaters who like to truly savor every single yogurt culture that enters our mouths. I mean, me.)

I don't mean to be a terrible niece, or terrible daughter to my father by possibly knocking my aunt, but seriously. I think next time I'm just going to tell her I want to be an astroanut. I completely abandoned all of my passions and hopes, and all those acting classes were for naught, because aeronautical astrophysics interest me. And besides, I have a better chance of landing on the moon than landing a leading lady role, anyway.

But fortunately, I know better than that. I know I'm not a leading lady. I'd be content playing Annie, as long as it meant that I'd get to work everyday. And I totally would go to an open call for Annie, fully aware that I am twenty years old and the other girls are eleven. But the sun can come out for all of us.

And if it won't come out for all of us, then you can be your bottom dollar that we can go out and find it.

By being astronauts, of course.

Til next time,
Small Fry/That Girl...