Thursday, July 9, 2009

Gym (Too) Shorts

I haven't posted in awhile, I know, but that doesn't mean I'm free from painful life experiences that are actually hilarious. I was off doing some volunteer work (teaching theater to kids, nope, not saving the planet or building houses in Nicaragua), so it's kind of consumed my time. Any remaining time has been spent with people who I like or at the gym. I work out a lot. But you don't care about that, and I know that, so have no fear - I just need to let you all know about some people at the gym who make me uncomfortable.

Or maybe, I make them uncomfortable. (Probably.)

I joined a new gym, a cheap gym, that I'll call Unfit Universe (maybe you can figure it out), because I can't afford NYSC anymore and this just makes more sense as my apartment I'm moving into this fall at school is right near one of these little chainlet gyms. I call it Unfit Universe because this gym was not designed for fitness fanatics like myself, but people who want to "try working out" and know nothing about fitness equipment. Now, I'm all for people "trying working out" but if you'r einterrupting my circuit training because you're doing sit ups while on the leg press, you don't belong in a gym. You belong either a) on the mat section for sit ups or b) far from a gym. I wanted to tell him that the machine wasnt' for sit ups, but he was bigger than me, and maybe he didn't speak English. He looked ethnic. But who am I to judge. Plenty of people who look like they speak English don't, and plenty of ethnic people speak English.

There was a woman who was, I swear, checking me out, too. It made me uncomfortable. I was doing pilates moves, like the 100. I don't think I'm radiantly hot, nor have I ever had a penchant for attracting lesbians, but I have to say I have just mustered enough confidence recently to sport a little tank top and short shorts to the gym. So I engaged in a staring contest with her. It was then that I realized that you could totally see up my shorts.

I mean, who knows, maybe she didn't see up my shorts. Maybe she just enjoys staring. I definitely stare at people and make up lives that they live. (For example - man with enormous moustache moderately resembling a Pedo-Stache on the elliptical at low intensity and high speed - has overweight wife and two kids in middle school; eats pork and beans for dinner. Went to SUNY Oswego. Majored in math. Now works as a line cook for a major chain restaurant with fried chicken atop of every 'healthy' salad.)

I hope he didn't see up my shorts. But if he did, he probably was too busy dreaming about his impending pork and beans dinner. Some people just always have food on the brain.

Til next time,
small fry/THAT girl...

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